Peter Jackson scores his second entry on this list (and seemingly underscores his own Freudian fears) with his vision of evil incarnate: a giant, flaming vulva. Eye of Sauron, Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001–2003) We shudder to think what might’ve happened if he’d survived long enough to see the CW.Ģ.
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In David Cronenberg’s 1983 cult classic, James Woods’s character somehow, through a magical feat of Cronenbergian imagination, develops a VCR-esque hoo-ha in his abdomen whenever he watches crappy TV shows. James Woods’s Sleazegina, Videodrome (1983) If ever there were a reason to cut funding to our space program, this is it.ģ. This schlocky horror sequel posits again that not only is there intelligent life on other planets, but also - by some amazing evolutionary coincidence - much of it is made up of savage vaginas who kill for sport. It’s just that we live in a tiny, closetless New York apartment and think she should appreciate the additional storage.Ĥ. It’s not that the huge, people-eating vajayjay that appears in Carol Anne’s bedroom isn’t terrifying, because it is. Carol Anne Freeling’s Bedroom, Poltergeist (1982) These days, we hear it’s doing community theater and Court TV reenactments.ĥ. In Instinct, it out-acted Michael Douglas and propelled the film to $353 million in worldwide box-office receipts. Sharon Stone’s vagina is truly the Mark Hamill of celebrity hoo-has, achieving its greatest success in its first-ever major role, only to fade into obscurity immediately thereafter. Kurt Russell’s bearded helicopter-pilot character is spared only when it mistakes him for one of its own. In this scene, it turns into a molared muff and bites a doctor’s hand off. John Carpenter’s classic shape-shifting space monster could mimic the likeness of any carbon-based life form it wanted. Appropriately enough, Unicron is destroyed by an Autobot named Hot Rod.
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Orson Welles gave his final film performance in the original animated Transformers movie as the voice of Unicron, an evil robot who transforms into a toothed, planet-eating cooter. In Tolkien’s novels, Orc legend has it that no one has ever “stuck a pin” in Shelob, which probably explains why she’s so cranky.Ĩ. The furriest ya ya on this list, Shelob is a giant hairy spider that lives in wet, gnarly caves and sucks her victims dry. Shelob, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (2003) Truly, Georgia O’Keefe’s worst nightmare.ĩ. Hungrier than Teeth’s dentata, and a better singer to boot, the enormous carnivorous plant opens wide to devour even the biggest prick - in this film’s case, the heroine’s abusive dentist boyfriend, played by Steve Martin. But is Teeth’s dentata the scariest movie vagina of all time? Not even close!ġ0. It almost made us ready to declare this the Season of the Vadge. As we’re sure you’re aware, in the new film Teeth, Jess Weixler plays Dawn, a high-school student with a fanged, carnivorous vagina that exacts bloody revenge on all males who dare go near it.
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